Fark, am I tired or am I tired...
Ok, right now, I am feeling very drained out and emotionally empty. I am like this huge walking husk of a human being - devoid of any feelings right about now as I am typing this in the cold confines of my office. How strange eh, the air-con seems always to be colder whenever you are down and the bloody radio always seems to be playing the latest sob tunes.
I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye as she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart
This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore
I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again
This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore
I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything is alright
My pressure on her hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do
This love has taken its toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore
- Maroon 5, This Love
But it's alright, coz I really feel like breaking down anyway. The weekend that was just past has been harrowing and yet the pain was surprisingly minimal, perhaps it was like a surgeon's precision scalpel that goes straight to the wound and draws little blood, leaving no painful mess behind. Or perhaps I have been expecting this day to come and my heart has already been callused with enough bruises that another one won't matter.
And like Lauren a couple of weeks back, I don't really know how to blog right now, the feeling is acute but yet farway as if it was somebody else's pain and I am merely looking through a glass, near yet separated but I know I am feeling this because I am still holding on to certain degrees of denial - denial that it didn't work out.
Welcome to the single's club, Jason Woo (to take a quote from Ms Lee, heh) and Mona, you better take me in.
Ok maybe you all will feel that bah, here we go again, same old shit again but like I mentioned, there is no painful mess this time, everything ended seemingly calm beneath the waves of turmoil. We will be closing our joint account really soon coz the both of us are really tired and wanted a clean break so that we can (hopefully) get on with our lives. Well, it may look funny and wasteful that I am giving up a relationship that has taken some 6 years of my life and hers (now that we are already somewhat quarter of a century old) but on hindsight, all the signs were already there.
It's just that we didn't want to entertain them and chose to bravely soldier on. But sadly, this didn't work out too well and here we are. It's ironic that we didn't even quarrel much yesterday, I told her I was tired of going through all these antics and her giving me no chance at all especially when she is so preoccupied with her own negative feelings and chooses not to respond positively to solve the issue even though it was her who said that "fine, we shall not talk about it anymore" yesterday. Well, if that's what she wants, she's not displaying it, preferring to wallow and immerse me in her emotional blackmail and rollercoaster.
To be fair, she told me too that she was tired as well of trying to speak to me as she thought that I was not even patient with listening to her (we had lots of quarrels over this) and was not even a good listener in the first place. Furthermore, to her, I always had something that is more important to attend to than her and I always seemed to love other things more than her. But how can I convince her that though important that she is, the world does not just revolve around her all the time and that I too, have my own responsiblities and obligations?
And I know what she will say in retort to this, she will say that she does not expect the world to revolve around her, she just wants my attention as she needs them, and I did fulfill those before, I mean, who has collected books for her on her behalf when I pass by the bookstore? Who took off to accompany her to the doctors? Who has given all the thought into thinking how we could live a life together? I don't know anymore, and I am not here clamouring for credit as it is also true that sometimes I don't lavish on her the kind of attention and TLC the moment she wants 'em just coz I am wanted my own space. I am as guilty as she is for the failure of this whole thing but I hate it whenever she makes it sound that I am blaming only her and when she makes it like it's totally my fault, although sometimes it really was but I do apologise after that. It's just her who refuse to let it rest and many a times, I will lose it and everything goes. Grrr.
These issues have been with us for the longest time and frankly, I do not know how to solve the problems. My head hurts along with my fatigued heart, I feel like I am drowning and I keep telling myself to stand up and breathe but it's harder than I thought. I tried to cry but no tears came out, I tried to sleep but slumber did not take me yesterday night. Ended up waking up at 5am and tossed and turned. By right I should feel liberated but somehow, I feel something of me has just been taken away and the amputated part is beginning to decay and die. It will take some getting used to but it may also mean a new start for me - to meet other someones and see the world, play the field coz you never would know if the right fella is just next to you.
I know I need to survive through this, I don't need no sympathy, just kind words and a kind ear. Maybe like this, I will be able to walk out of the woods soon. And this morning, a thought occurred to me, love is like a war, it's a long and painful route, you get shot at, put down, bombed and you get scars all along the way. But you grow and though you become more grizzled after the whole thing, you find that you never really grew out of the person who you have poured yourself into.
Many months or years away from now, I think I will still remember the first kiss she planted on me before she went home on the bus on one of our outings, or the big hug when she gave me after I could book out in my NS days. The times when we had shared our dreams under the stars and when I held her close to me along the beach during a chalet organised by our friends. Those days seemed like they will never end but they do, and did.
If you tell me that ya, there will always be other better ones out there. Let me tell you that as true as the statement is, it is also true that they will never be the same as this one. Sad but true, but I gave it up because I think we deserve to be happy. She deserves it and I deserve no less as well. For goodness sake, I don't even know how to get to know a girl well even though I have 6 years of experience under my belt. Girls still puzzle me and I doubt I can even go after another one again. It's just too much effort and I am getting on in years - I don't like love games anymore. Sigh.
But I still wish to fall in love again. That much I know.
Better luck next time, Woo-ster.
First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on
and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me
Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me
- Gloria Gaynor, I Will Survive (the perennial heartbreak anthem)
Monday, February 28, 2005
Friday, February 25, 2005
Temptations
To tell the truth, I am being tempted now on all fronts, in work, in life and in relationships. The allure of doing something dicey and not getting caught is the root of what makes a temptation click.
Eve fell for it, Adam, being a wuss, followed and now, in the grand tradition of things, I am next in line. What to do? My mind is wrecked with thoughts that I shouldn't even entertain in the first place! Is this the sign of the end or am I giving myself an excuse in the face of self-denial?
A friend of mine once said there many types of love and people who you love for a specific reason. Those that you love to settle down with, those whom you love to hold a conversation with and those, well, whom you love to get some lovin' from. What sort of love am I staring in the face? Where am I now in yet another crossroads of my existence in the grand universe? All I know is, the wrong move and someone up there will just tell me, "I told you so".
My conscience is niggling and yet I am going ahead, to see and to feel what I think will fufill me. Or is this a wasted effort? Am I thinking too much into the matter? After all, I was the one who has stirred up the nest of hornets and if I get stung, so be it - as long as there's a puddle of water where I can run to. Ok I am a coward who flees in the face of difficulty, I am a person who is not adept at handling tough, mindblowing situations but yet tumbles headlong into one. I just hope I am able to get a grip and remain in control. Lose it, and it's curtains.
Boy, it could all be foolish thinking on my part. Life has its intensely frustrating moments when you must make a tough choice. TV or the cookie jar? Static Gratification or physical contentment? Which will I choose?
God help me.
Amen.
Moments before the Fall...
What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there
What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word
It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word
What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word
- Elton John (and of course, Blue), Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word
Eve fell for it, Adam, being a wuss, followed and now, in the grand tradition of things, I am next in line. What to do? My mind is wrecked with thoughts that I shouldn't even entertain in the first place! Is this the sign of the end or am I giving myself an excuse in the face of self-denial?
A friend of mine once said there many types of love and people who you love for a specific reason. Those that you love to settle down with, those whom you love to hold a conversation with and those, well, whom you love to get some lovin' from. What sort of love am I staring in the face? Where am I now in yet another crossroads of my existence in the grand universe? All I know is, the wrong move and someone up there will just tell me, "I told you so".
My conscience is niggling and yet I am going ahead, to see and to feel what I think will fufill me. Or is this a wasted effort? Am I thinking too much into the matter? After all, I was the one who has stirred up the nest of hornets and if I get stung, so be it - as long as there's a puddle of water where I can run to. Ok I am a coward who flees in the face of difficulty, I am a person who is not adept at handling tough, mindblowing situations but yet tumbles headlong into one. I just hope I am able to get a grip and remain in control. Lose it, and it's curtains.
Boy, it could all be foolish thinking on my part. Life has its intensely frustrating moments when you must make a tough choice. TV or the cookie jar? Static Gratification or physical contentment? Which will I choose?
God help me.
Amen.
Moments before the Fall...
What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there
What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word
It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word
What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word
- Elton John (and of course, Blue), Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Nothing to do...
Thug Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your Miroku! all that matters in life is who is
going to be your next boyfriend/girlfriend and
where to take him/her next. Not to worry
though, because you are bright and you do your
school work. And hey, you even have a fan club!
What Inuyasha Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Ok, I am bored...but here's one more.
You're a Ravenpuff!: You are a very analytical and
ingenius person, someone that likes to invent
new things. The way you look at life is with
wonder, and sometimes you're even a little
naive. But people love you for that trait and
they feel the need to protect you from the
harsh facts of life so that you can retain your
innocence. You are very capable person and when
there is trouble people turn to you because
you're able to stay calm and collected. You
like balance in your life and you try not to
make many waves. Even still, if there is
something that you believe strongly in, you
will commit yourself totally to that cause.
Your weakness is that sometimes you can be
indecisive and perfectionist, especially about
little details and you drive people crazy
sometimes with these traits. With the
innocence of a Hufflepuff and the calm of a
Ravenclaw you will be loved in life!
Which Mix of the Hogwarts Houses are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Till the next post, folks!
White crap!
Since almost everyone who knows me knows that my PC is dead, all my entries now will be a day late since I cannot blog at home but have to resort to log my experiences the day after.
Well, yesterday was largely a typical CBL (cho bo lan) day which I basically did nothing for a full half day from the moment I stepped into my office, reason being my office PC's Internet connection has mysteriously chosen to take a half day off on me. Fark, so now no work could be done and I spent the hours fiddling on my Nintendo DS while the technician tried to help me get my PC back up. Hahaha, I don't mind loh, since my work is mostly done and I was actually enjoying the idleness. Shit, I think I am getting more and more malas (Malay for lazy, for those who don't know, I am not Malay, I just have some Malay friends from whom I pick up all these phrases) as the days go by.
Anyhow, my dqay kind of ended at 5.45pm yesterday due to the fact that I was needed to help out at Lido as a booth was set up there to distribute tickets to this movie called White Noise. And yes, I managed to grab three pairs of tickets myself for Mona and the usual suspects like Lauren, Ismail and Nani who came by to fill in the remaining ticket slot while I invited Jo to view the movie with me since she couldn't make it to the previous Constantine freebie show.
Bruce Wayne sifts through the files, fark lah, Keaton always give me the Batman feeling loh!
The Beegees making an appearance
Anyhow, if you are seriously contemplating to watch White Noise, don't. It sucks, ok maybe the movie doesn't suck as a whole but the ending was surely one of the most crappiest (language and grammar sticklers forgive me) ones that I have ever seen since Scary Movie (wait, Scary Movie was meant to be crappy!!)!! Luckily, I thought that Michael Keaton put in a fine performance in the show that kept it from sinking and who could fault the choice of casting Chandra West as his hotter than hot best-selling author of a wife (although her role was over in a flash but not before flaunting her curves in a purple lace slip with black undies beneath, woot). The front and middle parts of the show were ok with some scares but the ending....grrr. And just who are The Three?? Are they the Charmed ones??? Or like what Mona said, "Who are the Beegees????" Crap lah, now I am just looking forward to watching Howl's Moving Castle which opens tomorrow and Hayao Miyazaki is behind the animated film. Funny that cartoons can sometimes make more sense than "real" movies (pardon the irony).
Am reading the original Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones who also wrote its sequel, "Castle in the Air". Ok granted, they are children's stories but sometimes I feel that some children's books are really meant to be read by adults as they can give you a different POV when you read them when you are 25 as opposed to when you were 15. Read Hardy Boys now and I bet some people may discover gay tendencies inside, haha. Anyway, the original Howl's Moving Castle is an enchanting tale about a girl being turned into a 90 year old granny through a curse by an evil witch. This girl, Sophie, must then find a way to reverse the curse even if it meant living in with the Wizard Howl who was rumored to collect the souls of young, nubile (ok, I added that) girls and ate their hearts.
Jo and I really loved the works of Hayao and if you want to know, he is the man behind Princess Mononoke (Mononoke-Hime) and the more recent Spirited Away (Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi). Personally, I loved Graveyard of the Fireflies as it can really make you cry. Miyazaki is frequently compared with Disney but I think Walt has got a thing or two to learn from this old Jap bloke.
Sophie with the castle in the background
Well, yesterday was largely a typical CBL (cho bo lan) day which I basically did nothing for a full half day from the moment I stepped into my office, reason being my office PC's Internet connection has mysteriously chosen to take a half day off on me. Fark, so now no work could be done and I spent the hours fiddling on my Nintendo DS while the technician tried to help me get my PC back up. Hahaha, I don't mind loh, since my work is mostly done and I was actually enjoying the idleness. Shit, I think I am getting more and more malas (Malay for lazy, for those who don't know, I am not Malay, I just have some Malay friends from whom I pick up all these phrases) as the days go by.
Anyhow, my dqay kind of ended at 5.45pm yesterday due to the fact that I was needed to help out at Lido as a booth was set up there to distribute tickets to this movie called White Noise. And yes, I managed to grab three pairs of tickets myself for Mona and the usual suspects like Lauren, Ismail and Nani who came by to fill in the remaining ticket slot while I invited Jo to view the movie with me since she couldn't make it to the previous Constantine freebie show.
Bruce Wayne sifts through the files, fark lah, Keaton always give me the Batman feeling loh!
The Beegees making an appearance
Anyhow, if you are seriously contemplating to watch White Noise, don't. It sucks, ok maybe the movie doesn't suck as a whole but the ending was surely one of the most crappiest (language and grammar sticklers forgive me) ones that I have ever seen since Scary Movie (wait, Scary Movie was meant to be crappy!!)!! Luckily, I thought that Michael Keaton put in a fine performance in the show that kept it from sinking and who could fault the choice of casting Chandra West as his hotter than hot best-selling author of a wife (although her role was over in a flash but not before flaunting her curves in a purple lace slip with black undies beneath, woot). The front and middle parts of the show were ok with some scares but the ending....grrr. And just who are The Three?? Are they the Charmed ones??? Or like what Mona said, "Who are the Beegees????" Crap lah, now I am just looking forward to watching Howl's Moving Castle which opens tomorrow and Hayao Miyazaki is behind the animated film. Funny that cartoons can sometimes make more sense than "real" movies (pardon the irony).
Am reading the original Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones who also wrote its sequel, "Castle in the Air". Ok granted, they are children's stories but sometimes I feel that some children's books are really meant to be read by adults as they can give you a different POV when you read them when you are 25 as opposed to when you were 15. Read Hardy Boys now and I bet some people may discover gay tendencies inside, haha. Anyway, the original Howl's Moving Castle is an enchanting tale about a girl being turned into a 90 year old granny through a curse by an evil witch. This girl, Sophie, must then find a way to reverse the curse even if it meant living in with the Wizard Howl who was rumored to collect the souls of young, nubile (ok, I added that) girls and ate their hearts.
Jo and I really loved the works of Hayao and if you want to know, he is the man behind Princess Mononoke (Mononoke-Hime) and the more recent Spirited Away (Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi). Personally, I loved Graveyard of the Fireflies as it can really make you cry. Miyazaki is frequently compared with Disney but I think Walt has got a thing or two to learn from this old Jap bloke.
Sophie with the castle in the background
Monday, February 21, 2005
"Mulut kau lagi macham puki!!" - an angry aunty (Translation [brace yourself, conservative jocks]: "Your Mouth is even more like chee bye!!)
After a few days of radio silence, here am I, butt on my office chair, typing this inane entry. The reason for my absence is the fact that my computer has chosen now of all times to go corrupted on me and refuse to let me start up my Windows!! So no Windows, no Internet, no Internet, no blogging. You get the drift...damn.
So there you have it, I will be out of commission for a while and God knows how long. But like Arnie once said before, I will be back. Hell, I can still blog in the office lah coz now till the end of this week, I will be largely free since the mag is about done.
Well, Mona, I am numero uno.
Anyhow, the last weekend was spent in classic Jason Style - Idling. But of course, I met Mona and Ismail to celebrate the belated birthday of a certain Miss Lee Pei Yee aka Lauren at the Newton Hawker Centre where we had large sized sting rays and Fried Chicken amidst all the "harm" (dialect for mussels) jokes as well as Ismail's recounting of several belly-splitting Malay swear phrases which I pick up easily. Haha, like they say, the easiest way to learn a language is to learn the swear words!
Besides, the guffaws, we also took time out to take jibes at Ismail's sweet nothings to his girl *ahem* friend over the phone and it was all so strange to me coz six years ago, I was like that too (anyone in a relationship will be able to recount the early days that you will even tell your other half how many times you farted that day). Somehow, when you get lao jiao in a relationship like mine, things don't sizzle that much anymore. People say that's bored indifference, I would like to call it familiarity. So, Ismail, should you be able to land the catch, don't forget what Uncle Jason wrote here in this blog. Don't be in a rush to reveal soooo much of yourself in the first few months that you will exhaust the topics and that will not be a good sign.
So there you have it, I will be out of commission for a while and God knows how long. But like Arnie once said before, I will be back. Hell, I can still blog in the office lah coz now till the end of this week, I will be largely free since the mag is about done.
Your Love Number is |
1 You tend to be a stubborn lover, holding your ground in every argument You take your time falling in love. You aren't the type to lose perspective. You are loyal (to a fault), and you require the same loyalty in your sweetheart. At your best, you are a wise and inspiring partner - who sticks around. |
Well, Mona, I am numero uno.
Anyhow, the last weekend was spent in classic Jason Style - Idling. But of course, I met Mona and Ismail to celebrate the belated birthday of a certain Miss Lee Pei Yee aka Lauren at the Newton Hawker Centre where we had large sized sting rays and Fried Chicken amidst all the "harm" (dialect for mussels) jokes as well as Ismail's recounting of several belly-splitting Malay swear phrases which I pick up easily. Haha, like they say, the easiest way to learn a language is to learn the swear words!
Besides, the guffaws, we also took time out to take jibes at Ismail's sweet nothings to his girl *ahem* friend over the phone and it was all so strange to me coz six years ago, I was like that too (anyone in a relationship will be able to recount the early days that you will even tell your other half how many times you farted that day). Somehow, when you get lao jiao in a relationship like mine, things don't sizzle that much anymore. People say that's bored indifference, I would like to call it familiarity. So, Ismail, should you be able to land the catch, don't forget what Uncle Jason wrote here in this blog. Don't be in a rush to reveal soooo much of yourself in the first few months that you will exhaust the topics and that will not be a good sign.
Friday, February 18, 2005
Bored...
Yes, right now I am in the office slogging away but I am also bored out of my scalp. Yesterday was lucky, coz I was not needed to go down to Republic Poly after all but I have to go to the event on Saturday instead so ya, bummer.
The magazine's about done soon and I got a few more sections to finish before the final nail gets hammered by the designer. But now, I am hit bt a bout of sudden laziness. My mind's a blank and my fingers are stiff which the only logical cure for my boredom would be to blog something right now and get my writing juices flowing again.
Did a spelling test online just now and got 17 out of 23, not bad considering that I have always thought of myself as an average Joe who had somehow made it into writing, hahaha. For those interested ones, here's the link http://books.guardian.co.uk/quiz/questions/0,5957,1303707,00.html . So go get those scores!!!
"You scored 17 out of a possible 23
Go to the top of the class. Either you're a natural orthographer, or you paid a lot of attention in school. Either way, you could make a fortune on the spelling bee circuit."
Just got to know from Mona that the Saturday outing is cancelled due to Lauren having a bad patch now. Hope she is going to be ok and like what they say, "the thing that's not gonna kill you is only gonna make you stronger". So Lauren, if you are somehow reading this, please be strong. There are other better ones out there in the world awaiting for your tasting.
Broken hearts, broken dreams
They're just some things that love brings
When you learn that its all been a lie
You cry
You find that
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing hurts like love
Nothing brings your heart so much pain
And you'll never learn till you get burned
Till you're burned by the flame
Nothing hurts so bad
Nothing hurts so much
No nothing, hurts, like love
So you gave all you had
How this story turned so sad
Nothing left but the tears in your eyes
You die inside, cause
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing hurts like love
Nothing brings your heart so much pain
And you'll never learn till yo u get burned
Till you're burned by the flame
Nothing hurts so bad
Nothing hurts so much
No nothing, hurts, like love
So dry your eyes
It's just your turn to learn
Your time to find that
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing hurts like love
Nothing brings your heart so much pain
And you'll never learn till yo u get burned
Till you're burned by the flame
Nothing hurts so bad
Nothing hurts so much
No nothing, hurts
Like love
- Daniel Bedingfield, Nothing Hurts Like Love
Your dark side is centered around Destructive
Power. A strong powerful castel built above
broken fragile glass, behind this setteled
confident look there is a beautiful, innocent
child waiting for someone to play with. All you
want is an independent caring soul, completes
you, no more lies or worries, just a strong
connection bonded by trust so you can feel
special and confident, find a new meaning for
everything, life will be almost perfect like
you want. You will find what you want when know
that life is not always like we want it to be.
What is the center of your dark core? (updated)
brought to you by Quizilla
The magazine's about done soon and I got a few more sections to finish before the final nail gets hammered by the designer. But now, I am hit bt a bout of sudden laziness. My mind's a blank and my fingers are stiff which the only logical cure for my boredom would be to blog something right now and get my writing juices flowing again.
Did a spelling test online just now and got 17 out of 23, not bad considering that I have always thought of myself as an average Joe who had somehow made it into writing, hahaha. For those interested ones, here's the link http://books.guardian.co.uk/quiz/questions/0,5957,1303707,00.html . So go get those scores!!!
"You scored 17 out of a possible 23
Go to the top of the class. Either you're a natural orthographer, or you paid a lot of attention in school. Either way, you could make a fortune on the spelling bee circuit."
Just got to know from Mona that the Saturday outing is cancelled due to Lauren having a bad patch now. Hope she is going to be ok and like what they say, "the thing that's not gonna kill you is only gonna make you stronger". So Lauren, if you are somehow reading this, please be strong. There are other better ones out there in the world awaiting for your tasting.
Broken hearts, broken dreams
They're just some things that love brings
When you learn that its all been a lie
You cry
You find that
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing hurts like love
Nothing brings your heart so much pain
And you'll never learn till you get burned
Till you're burned by the flame
Nothing hurts so bad
Nothing hurts so much
No nothing, hurts, like love
So you gave all you had
How this story turned so sad
Nothing left but the tears in your eyes
You die inside, cause
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing hurts like love
Nothing brings your heart so much pain
And you'll never learn till yo u get burned
Till you're burned by the flame
Nothing hurts so bad
Nothing hurts so much
No nothing, hurts, like love
So dry your eyes
It's just your turn to learn
Your time to find that
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing hurts like love
Nothing brings your heart so much pain
And you'll never learn till yo u get burned
Till you're burned by the flame
Nothing hurts so bad
Nothing hurts so much
No nothing, hurts
Like love
- Daniel Bedingfield, Nothing Hurts Like Love
Your dark side is centered around Destructive
Power. A strong powerful castel built above
broken fragile glass, behind this setteled
confident look there is a beautiful, innocent
child waiting for someone to play with. All you
want is an independent caring soul, completes
you, no more lies or worries, just a strong
connection bonded by trust so you can feel
special and confident, find a new meaning for
everything, life will be almost perfect like
you want. You will find what you want when know
that life is not always like we want it to be.
What is the center of your dark core? (updated)
brought to you by Quizilla
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Shagged Out (or whatever you spell it)
Actually I am dead tired. Have you ever heard of a magazine writer who doubles up as a coolie on call? Well, I have coz I am just that writer today. Got arrowed by the upper echelons (i.e. the boss) to aid in the tearing down of the Planet Games sets when the event finished its run early this month after nearly four months in the Science Centre and so there I was early at 9.45am with another colleague dismantling cables covered with 4 months of gunk and putting away assorted parapharnelia into their boxes before waiting for the moving people to arrive and taking them back to the office. But that's not the end as we had to move the things up to the 9th storey office as soon as we got back to the office building (both of us didn't follow the moving truck back together that's why).
By the time all the shit was done and the junk put away, half a day was gone, no work on my side was done and I was butt hungry. Argh, and I got to go back tomorrow again for another round of setting down and not only that, I got to rush down to Republic Poly to shoot pictures as well as moving my tired ass to The Heeren's Action City toyshop to take some toy pics for my mag. One wonders how on earth can I get the mag to be finished since the deadline is really nearing and I keep getting sidetracked, I really hate this loh.
Why?
COZ I DO NOT WANT TO STAY OVERTIME FOR THE MAG, I GOT A LIFE, THAT'S WHY!!
And since I got that out of my system, another thing about the whole issue is that the boss has promised a day off if the mag is out by the 3rd, I say crap and I am so kissing that bloody off day goodbye coz there's no way the mag can meet that date. Not unless I stay late, of which my reply is stated in caps above.
Enough of work bull, anyhow, the second album of Michael Buble is out and hopefully I can get it with my next pay as I love the Jazz kind of music and his songs tend to soothe me after a day's work. If the first album's anything to go by, this second one will be likely as good.
Ok, gotta stop ranting now, need every breathe I have for tomorrow's pile of poodoo.
It’s been a hard day’s night, and I been working like a dog
It’s been a hard day’s night, I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you I’ll find the things that you do
Will make me feel alright
You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things
And it’s worth it just to hear you say you’re going to give me everything
So why on earth should I moan, ’cause when I get you alone
You know I feel ok
When I’m home everything seems to be right
When I’m home feeling you holding me tight, tight
Owww!
So why on earth should I moan, ’cause when I get you alone
You know I feel ok
You know I feel alright
You know I feel alright
- The Beatles, A Hard Day's Night
By the time all the shit was done and the junk put away, half a day was gone, no work on my side was done and I was butt hungry. Argh, and I got to go back tomorrow again for another round of setting down and not only that, I got to rush down to Republic Poly to shoot pictures as well as moving my tired ass to The Heeren's Action City toyshop to take some toy pics for my mag. One wonders how on earth can I get the mag to be finished since the deadline is really nearing and I keep getting sidetracked, I really hate this loh.
Why?
COZ I DO NOT WANT TO STAY OVERTIME FOR THE MAG, I GOT A LIFE, THAT'S WHY!!
And since I got that out of my system, another thing about the whole issue is that the boss has promised a day off if the mag is out by the 3rd, I say crap and I am so kissing that bloody off day goodbye coz there's no way the mag can meet that date. Not unless I stay late, of which my reply is stated in caps above.
Enough of work bull, anyhow, the second album of Michael Buble is out and hopefully I can get it with my next pay as I love the Jazz kind of music and his songs tend to soothe me after a day's work. If the first album's anything to go by, this second one will be likely as good.
Ok, gotta stop ranting now, need every breathe I have for tomorrow's pile of poodoo.
It’s been a hard day’s night, and I been working like a dog
It’s been a hard day’s night, I should be sleeping like a log
But when I get home to you I’ll find the things that you do
Will make me feel alright
You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things
And it’s worth it just to hear you say you’re going to give me everything
So why on earth should I moan, ’cause when I get you alone
You know I feel ok
When I’m home everything seems to be right
When I’m home feeling you holding me tight, tight
Owww!
So why on earth should I moan, ’cause when I get you alone
You know I feel ok
You know I feel alright
You know I feel alright
- The Beatles, A Hard Day's Night
Monday, February 14, 2005
V-Day surprise!
You don't need a rocket scientist to tell you that today is the day when not only lovers get together to re-affirm their eh, love, but also the day when florists and feel-good card makers would roll in their millions. Yes, it's Valentine's Day - the day of more expensive than normal flowers and dinners and yes, I am one of those of who will out those dough to make my mate happy. Awwww.
Ok enough of the mush speak. Anyway, today went well with my plans all going smoothly ensuring that Jo got her spa session and her gerberas and what was surprising was the fact that I ran into Ismail who was out with a female *ahem* friend, well not that it's anything to be raising eyebrows about but I do hope that he finds someone soon and may this girl be suitable for him. Not only will it keep his time busy but also quashing all the gay rumors...hahahhaha. (Ismail, if you are reading this, I am only just kidding, not :P).
Oh well, the Grammys was on TV this morning and Maroon 5 walked away with Best New Artist. It helps that I pretty much like their type of songs. Yes, and I do love Keane too.
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
- Maroon 5, She Will Be Loved
Ok enough of the mush speak. Anyway, today went well with my plans all going smoothly ensuring that Jo got her spa session and her gerberas and what was surprising was the fact that I ran into Ismail who was out with a female *ahem* friend, well not that it's anything to be raising eyebrows about but I do hope that he finds someone soon and may this girl be suitable for him. Not only will it keep his time busy but also quashing all the gay rumors...hahahhaha. (Ismail, if you are reading this, I am only just kidding, not :P).
Oh well, the Grammys was on TV this morning and Maroon 5 walked away with Best New Artist. It helps that I pretty much like their type of songs. Yes, and I do love Keane too.
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
- Maroon 5, She Will Be Loved
All quiet on the Western front
Back by popular demand I would say as I have recieved feedback that my blog has been too quiet. Oh well, the reason for the recent inactivity is due to the busy CNY festivities that's happening around me and all the hustle and bustle have really made me darn tired.
Anyway, Jo came over to my place to visit yesterday as it was the fourth day of the New Year (for the uninitiated, Lunar New Year lasts for a grand 15 days but the holiday doesn't last so long here in Singapore), it's a milestone for the relationship considering that she didn't really visit my home while I was living in my old Hougang hovel as there's something between my mum and her (chiefly because my mum has some issues lah...crap).
Well, anyway, my mum begrudgingly allowed for the visit and even stayed home even though she said she would be going out. Maybe she stayed back to spy on me, I don't know, but I rather not think of it that way. Sometimes, I really envy those couples who could visit each other's homes without fear of prejudice and false pre-conceptions, Sometimes too, I feel very oppressed by my mum's oft hurtful comments and seemingly unsupportive statements. She's really crappy sometimes (no, make that most of the time).
Ok, I seem to have written too much and too personal, but maybe I just needed to rant. So if you happen to read this and know me, probably you would have known of this already. Other mums I know keep questioning their childrens' marital status, mine doesn't care. Deep down, I got a feeling she doesn't want to let go. Argh, the nightmare.
Enough about my bad excuse of a mum (I know this is mean, but she really gets me mad alot of times either through her less than tactful comments or her downright senseless superstitions), tomorrow is the great old V-Day. I haapen to have leave and so does Jo, so we actually can celebrate on the actual day itself while others could only do it on the last weekend, wahaha. Hope my surprises make her happy tomorrow.
Happiness in life can be so short-lived.
If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you
And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine
All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly
I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
In my dreams i couldnt love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all I need
My love, my valentine
La da da
Da da da da
And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
Cuz all I need
Is you, my valentine
You're all I need
My love, my valentine
- Martina McBride, My Valentine
Anyway, Jo came over to my place to visit yesterday as it was the fourth day of the New Year (for the uninitiated, Lunar New Year lasts for a grand 15 days but the holiday doesn't last so long here in Singapore), it's a milestone for the relationship considering that she didn't really visit my home while I was living in my old Hougang hovel as there's something between my mum and her (chiefly because my mum has some issues lah...crap).
Well, anyway, my mum begrudgingly allowed for the visit and even stayed home even though she said she would be going out. Maybe she stayed back to spy on me, I don't know, but I rather not think of it that way. Sometimes, I really envy those couples who could visit each other's homes without fear of prejudice and false pre-conceptions, Sometimes too, I feel very oppressed by my mum's oft hurtful comments and seemingly unsupportive statements. She's really crappy sometimes (no, make that most of the time).
Ok, I seem to have written too much and too personal, but maybe I just needed to rant. So if you happen to read this and know me, probably you would have known of this already. Other mums I know keep questioning their childrens' marital status, mine doesn't care. Deep down, I got a feeling she doesn't want to let go. Argh, the nightmare.
Enough about my bad excuse of a mum (I know this is mean, but she really gets me mad alot of times either through her less than tactful comments or her downright senseless superstitions), tomorrow is the great old V-Day. I haapen to have leave and so does Jo, so we actually can celebrate on the actual day itself while others could only do it on the last weekend, wahaha. Hope my surprises make her happy tomorrow.
Happiness in life can be so short-lived.
If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you
And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
You're all i need
My love, my valentine
All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly
I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
In my dreams i couldnt love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all I need
My love, my valentine
La da da
Da da da da
And even if the sun refuse to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart
Until the end of time
Cuz all I need
Is you, my valentine
You're all I need
My love, my valentine
- Martina McBride, My Valentine
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Hear that Cock Crow!
Well, well, well, before we knew it, the Year of the Monkey has ended and its the Year of Le Cock! Oh well, not that 2004 has anything much for me to look back on anyway. It's just sad that 365 days are gone just like that and it's much worse when you know that you have not really accomplished much in those 300 odd days.
So here's to wishing and resoluting that I get off my malas (malay for lazy) butt/ass/derriere (whatever) and start to make something of my life. After all, we only live once. But of course, you know the thing about New Year Resolutions...they never get resolutionised in the end, if you know what I mean. So maybe this year, I shall make the resolution of not making any resolutions, let life take me wherever, whatever. Now, I don't know if that's a fatalistic thinking but sometimes hoping too much in life only serves to bring me down.
Anyway, just came home really and chatting with Mona on MSN right now. Watched Seoul Raiders not too long ago and although I can't say that I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, there Shu Qi at the very least - and three other pretty Korean babes to look at so the $8.50 was not really wasted.
Next up for me should be Finding Neverland (I know I'm slow but hey, I got a day job, man). Let's see how Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet stack up in that movie, the former being one of my favorite Hollywood actors - oh boy, he's going to be Willy Wonka in the upcoming Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie adaptation. If you don't know what or who Willy Wonka is, you have missed out on the ton of twisted children's fiction by Roald Dahl, man (yes, it's the same guy whose grand-daughter is now a supermodel). I also loved his "Boy", "Fantastic Mr. Fox" and "Esio Trot" amongst many others. He's a great kids writer.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Dahl
Many lovers has come and many lovers have gone.
Sing your love to an old fashioned song.
(1000 years from now you’ll be still putin’ me down, my baby.)
You can change the frame but the picture remains the same.
Sing your love to the song, after the rain.
(1000 years from now you’ll be still putin’ me down, my baby.) baby girl, in other words, forever more I’ll be here. (I’ll be here) cuz my whole life has been full of joy ever since you came here.
Girl, my whole world goes around because you spin me, yeah. (move around, move around, move around, move around, move around, move around, move around)
Everytime we are done making love girl, it makes me wanna:
Chorus / hook:
Step in the name of love, (snap...) snap in the name of love (my fingers…), clap in the name of love (clap…), clap in the name of love (…my hands…), step (step…) in the name of love, step in the name of love (from side to side…), move in the name of love (oooo…) move in the name of love (it’s allright…).
Some believe in love, and some people don’t (whoa)
Sing your love to a story.
(1000 years from now you’ll be still putin’ me down, my baby.)
Some have crossed the finish line and some gave up.
Its like moving a mountain love can be just that though.
(1000 years from now you’ll be still putin’ me down, my baby.) baby girl, in other words, forever more I’ll be here. cuz my whole life has been full of joy ever since you came here.
My whole world goes around, goes around, because you spin me, yeah. (move around, move around, move around, move around, move around, move around, move around)
Every time we are with us naked baby, it really makes me wanna:
Chorus / hook (with new kelly ad-libs)
Whoaaaaa….yeah, uh-huh…
(laugh) now, we goin play a little game, this game is for all of those who know how to follow a beat, listen, when I sing, I want everybody out there, to do what ever I say:
Step step, side to side. round and round dip it now. separate, bring it back, let me see you do, the love slide.
Step step, side to side. round and round dip it now. separate, bring it back, let me see you do, the love slide. see my whole world goes around, all because of you, spin me, yeah! and when we are done making love, babe, hey! I just want to get to nothing, go all over town!
Chorus / hook (with new kelly ad-libs) 1 time
(with chorus in background, no ad-libs)
Love brought us together so keep on stepin! because love goin last forever! clap in the name of love! lets step out, hit the floor, dj’s rockin it’s all for us, if anybody asks, why were’ stepin, tell em!!!.....we did it for love!
- R. Kelly, Step in the Name of Love
So here's to wishing and resoluting that I get off my malas (malay for lazy) butt/ass/derriere (whatever) and start to make something of my life. After all, we only live once. But of course, you know the thing about New Year Resolutions...they never get resolutionised in the end, if you know what I mean. So maybe this year, I shall make the resolution of not making any resolutions, let life take me wherever, whatever. Now, I don't know if that's a fatalistic thinking but sometimes hoping too much in life only serves to bring me down.
Anyway, just came home really and chatting with Mona on MSN right now. Watched Seoul Raiders not too long ago and although I can't say that I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, there Shu Qi at the very least - and three other pretty Korean babes to look at so the $8.50 was not really wasted.
Next up for me should be Finding Neverland (I know I'm slow but hey, I got a day job, man). Let's see how Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet stack up in that movie, the former being one of my favorite Hollywood actors - oh boy, he's going to be Willy Wonka in the upcoming Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie adaptation. If you don't know what or who Willy Wonka is, you have missed out on the ton of twisted children's fiction by Roald Dahl, man (yes, it's the same guy whose grand-daughter is now a supermodel). I also loved his "Boy", "Fantastic Mr. Fox" and "Esio Trot" amongst many others. He's a great kids writer.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Dahl
Many lovers has come and many lovers have gone.
Sing your love to an old fashioned song.
(1000 years from now you’ll be still putin’ me down, my baby.)
You can change the frame but the picture remains the same.
Sing your love to the song, after the rain.
(1000 years from now you’ll be still putin’ me down, my baby.) baby girl, in other words, forever more I’ll be here. (I’ll be here) cuz my whole life has been full of joy ever since you came here.
Girl, my whole world goes around because you spin me, yeah. (move around, move around, move around, move around, move around, move around, move around)
Everytime we are done making love girl, it makes me wanna:
Chorus / hook:
Step in the name of love, (snap...) snap in the name of love (my fingers…), clap in the name of love (clap…), clap in the name of love (…my hands…), step (step…) in the name of love, step in the name of love (from side to side…), move in the name of love (oooo…) move in the name of love (it’s allright…).
Some believe in love, and some people don’t (whoa)
Sing your love to a story.
(1000 years from now you’ll be still putin’ me down, my baby.)
Some have crossed the finish line and some gave up.
Its like moving a mountain love can be just that though.
(1000 years from now you’ll be still putin’ me down, my baby.) baby girl, in other words, forever more I’ll be here. cuz my whole life has been full of joy ever since you came here.
My whole world goes around, goes around, because you spin me, yeah. (move around, move around, move around, move around, move around, move around, move around)
Every time we are with us naked baby, it really makes me wanna:
Chorus / hook (with new kelly ad-libs)
Whoaaaaa….yeah, uh-huh…
(laugh) now, we goin play a little game, this game is for all of those who know how to follow a beat, listen, when I sing, I want everybody out there, to do what ever I say:
Step step, side to side. round and round dip it now. separate, bring it back, let me see you do, the love slide.
Step step, side to side. round and round dip it now. separate, bring it back, let me see you do, the love slide. see my whole world goes around, all because of you, spin me, yeah! and when we are done making love, babe, hey! I just want to get to nothing, go all over town!
Chorus / hook (with new kelly ad-libs) 1 time
(with chorus in background, no ad-libs)
Love brought us together so keep on stepin! because love goin last forever! clap in the name of love! lets step out, hit the floor, dj’s rockin it’s all for us, if anybody asks, why were’ stepin, tell em!!!.....we did it for love!
- R. Kelly, Step in the Name of Love
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Through the Fire...
Yes, I am still up and boy am I glad...just heard this song that I have liked for a very long time but didn't know who on earth sang it. Now I know and it's Chaka Khan and the song is 'Through the Fire". Now, staying up late sure has it benefits. If I am not wrong, there has been a recent re-make to this song which has a slightly up tempo tune but I could be wrong. Anyhow, here is the song...
I look in your eyes and I can see
We've loved so dangerously
You're not trustin' your heart to anyone
You tell me you're gonna play it smart
We're through before we start
But I believe that we've only just begun
When it's this good, there's no saying no
I want you so, I'm ready to go
(Chorus)
Through the fire
To the limit, to the wall
For a chance to be with you
I'd gladly risk it all
Through the fire
Through whatever, come what may
For a chance of loving you
I'd take it all the way
Right down to the wire
Even through the fire
I know you're afraid of what you feel
You still need time to heal
And I can help if you'll only let me try
You touched me and somethin' in me knew
What I could have with you
Now I'm not ready to kiss that dream goodbye
When it's this sweet, there's no saying no
I need you so, I'm ready to go
(Chorus)
Through the test of time...
(Chorus)
(Repeat the following/Fade Out)
To the wire
To the limit
Through the fire
To whatever
Through the fire
To the limit
Through the fire
To whatever
- Chaka Khan, Through the Fire
I look in your eyes and I can see
We've loved so dangerously
You're not trustin' your heart to anyone
You tell me you're gonna play it smart
We're through before we start
But I believe that we've only just begun
When it's this good, there's no saying no
I want you so, I'm ready to go
(Chorus)
Through the fire
To the limit, to the wall
For a chance to be with you
I'd gladly risk it all
Through the fire
Through whatever, come what may
For a chance of loving you
I'd take it all the way
Right down to the wire
Even through the fire
I know you're afraid of what you feel
You still need time to heal
And I can help if you'll only let me try
You touched me and somethin' in me knew
What I could have with you
Now I'm not ready to kiss that dream goodbye
When it's this sweet, there's no saying no
I need you so, I'm ready to go
(Chorus)
Through the test of time...
(Chorus)
(Repeat the following/Fade Out)
To the wire
To the limit
Through the fire
To whatever
Through the fire
To the limit
Through the fire
To whatever
- Chaka Khan, Through the Fire
Constantine the Hellblazer
Was at Plaza Singapure not too long ago catching the gala premiere of Constantine, yes the movie starring Keanu "The One" Reeves with Herman, a good friend of mine since Jo is out working today and hers was the late shift.
The whole show was really steeped in the occult and Roman Catholic imageries so much so that non-believers like Herman and a colleague of mine could not understand the subtle nuances of the show except marvelling at the obviously well-done Hollywood special effects and all the whizbangs.
For those who are not in the know, Reeves plays as John Constantine, an exorcist who works with his own code of ethics and is straddling between the forces of Hell and Heaven of which he is trying to buy his way into the latter through his works of deporting wayward demons back into Hell. However, like any Christian would tell you, salvation is really not to be bought through works since the basic canon of Christianity makes it known that all Man are born sinners - more so for John Constantine who tried to kill himself when he was young (suicide being seen as a murder of self and a direct violation of one of the Ten Commandments of "Thou Shalt Not Kill", hence a heinous sin).
The act of suicide, according to the movie (as I am not entirely well read in the original comic), was the result of John's parents who have made him go under the tremendous stress of psychotherapy after having discovered that he had the gift or curse of "seeing things that are not meant to be seen".
Bound thus for Hell for his transgression, John tries to wriggle his way out to salvation which culminated in him discovering one of Hell's best kept plots and even going on to cheat the Devil himself of which I shall not spoil for you, the reader. Overall, people should go watch the show, it's really good and is one of the darn rare shows that I really wished that the male lead does not bow to Hollywood conventions and kiss the female lead and boy, did Constantine not disappoint me in this respect and I really give the thumbs up to the director for resisting the temptation (no pun intended). Talk about dark anti-heroes. John Constantine takes that cake.
Anyhow, the themes of Constantine actually does coincide with a comic idea that I had toyed in my mind for the longest time since my poly days. It revolves around the biblical character of Cain (of the "murder of Abel" fame) who was marked by God for his act and which I believed made him live till this day. To cut the story short, my research took me on a reading spree on demonology, occultic practices, angel studies and the other New Age stuff that will boggle alot of minds and appall my church elders for sure. And because of all these readings, I understood the movie's details better like why did flies killed this guy in the show and why the bottle of wine in the background was called "Joshua's Tree". If you want to know why, leave a comment and maybe we can hold conversation.
The show also deals with the basic human function that we take for granted - choice. Alot of times in life, we will have the chance to choose and sometimes our choice results in stuff that we will have to bear or contend with for a very long time, even a lifetime. John is no exception and he makes a rare decision that will change his life which I find trite (ok, granted it's a 2 hour show and they have to end it somehow) but otherwise, the show was really a good primer for anyone who is interested in such themes to find out more. But of course be careful, this world we live in is really not the only one in existence, there are planes we do not see and what transpires there really has an impact here. I will stop being cryptic here and close this post.
In the end, my point is - just watch this bloddy movie, it's good!
The escape from Hell...
The opening exorcism sequence
The movie's concept of Hell
The whole show was really steeped in the occult and Roman Catholic imageries so much so that non-believers like Herman and a colleague of mine could not understand the subtle nuances of the show except marvelling at the obviously well-done Hollywood special effects and all the whizbangs.
For those who are not in the know, Reeves plays as John Constantine, an exorcist who works with his own code of ethics and is straddling between the forces of Hell and Heaven of which he is trying to buy his way into the latter through his works of deporting wayward demons back into Hell. However, like any Christian would tell you, salvation is really not to be bought through works since the basic canon of Christianity makes it known that all Man are born sinners - more so for John Constantine who tried to kill himself when he was young (suicide being seen as a murder of self and a direct violation of one of the Ten Commandments of "Thou Shalt Not Kill", hence a heinous sin).
The act of suicide, according to the movie (as I am not entirely well read in the original comic), was the result of John's parents who have made him go under the tremendous stress of psychotherapy after having discovered that he had the gift or curse of "seeing things that are not meant to be seen".
Bound thus for Hell for his transgression, John tries to wriggle his way out to salvation which culminated in him discovering one of Hell's best kept plots and even going on to cheat the Devil himself of which I shall not spoil for you, the reader. Overall, people should go watch the show, it's really good and is one of the darn rare shows that I really wished that the male lead does not bow to Hollywood conventions and kiss the female lead and boy, did Constantine not disappoint me in this respect and I really give the thumbs up to the director for resisting the temptation (no pun intended). Talk about dark anti-heroes. John Constantine takes that cake.
Anyhow, the themes of Constantine actually does coincide with a comic idea that I had toyed in my mind for the longest time since my poly days. It revolves around the biblical character of Cain (of the "murder of Abel" fame) who was marked by God for his act and which I believed made him live till this day. To cut the story short, my research took me on a reading spree on demonology, occultic practices, angel studies and the other New Age stuff that will boggle alot of minds and appall my church elders for sure. And because of all these readings, I understood the movie's details better like why did flies killed this guy in the show and why the bottle of wine in the background was called "Joshua's Tree". If you want to know why, leave a comment and maybe we can hold conversation.
The show also deals with the basic human function that we take for granted - choice. Alot of times in life, we will have the chance to choose and sometimes our choice results in stuff that we will have to bear or contend with for a very long time, even a lifetime. John is no exception and he makes a rare decision that will change his life which I find trite (ok, granted it's a 2 hour show and they have to end it somehow) but otherwise, the show was really a good primer for anyone who is interested in such themes to find out more. But of course be careful, this world we live in is really not the only one in existence, there are planes we do not see and what transpires there really has an impact here. I will stop being cryptic here and close this post.
In the end, my point is - just watch this bloddy movie, it's good!
The escape from Hell...
The opening exorcism sequence
The movie's concept of Hell
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Are we the rats running the race, or is the Race making us into rats?
Chatted with Meiting over MSN over a while and somehow the topic of the rat race in Singapore cropped up when she mentioned about returning to Singapore and staying for good in Aug.
"You are always 2nd class everywhere," she remarked. And although I must say it's true, the enviroment in Singapore is getting so elitist that unless you are of any worth, you are quickly pushed aside, regardless of whether you are a native or no.
Maybe I am being all gloomy and pessimistic, after all, what would I know about being shoved aside by life? I have a pretty stable job, a family who cares for me and a girlfriend who is always by my side. But somehow, something is missing. I told Meiting it was all a trade-off, for stability, you sacrifice freedom of living.
In the case of Singapore, it is the good place to enhance your wealth and all, but it's the place to live. "Live" being spoken in a more philosophical context. Here, we are too caught up with results, money and accomplishments to even stop by and take a breather. The fresh-faced graduates we once were is no longer, replaced by a hardened scowl of a mug, because seriously this is all the defense we have and can muster in the face of societal pragmaticism. We all start off well-meaning, trusting that we have got what it takes to make it - to make a change. But after a while, we get tired and sink back into the accepted comfort zones; unwilling and unable to move anymore.
This is sad but this is also a fact that a majority of us face. Of course, there's always the success stories but unlike what they say, sometimes things isn't as straightforward as you see in shows and dramas. Life is hard and most of us trudge through it until the day we lie on our deathbeds, not sure if we have indeed made a difference.
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
to a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
but somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
and the cost was so much more than I could bear
Chorus:
Though i've tried, I've fallen..
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
better I should know
So don't come round here
and tell me i told you so....
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
the wound that would not heal
it's the bitter taste of losing everything
that i have held so dear.
Chorus
Heaven bent to take my hand
nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those i thought were friends
to everyone i know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
pretend that they don't see
but it's one missed step
you'll slip before you know it
and there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
- Sarah McLachlan, Fallen
"You are always 2nd class everywhere," she remarked. And although I must say it's true, the enviroment in Singapore is getting so elitist that unless you are of any worth, you are quickly pushed aside, regardless of whether you are a native or no.
Maybe I am being all gloomy and pessimistic, after all, what would I know about being shoved aside by life? I have a pretty stable job, a family who cares for me and a girlfriend who is always by my side. But somehow, something is missing. I told Meiting it was all a trade-off, for stability, you sacrifice freedom of living.
In the case of Singapore, it is the good place to enhance your wealth and all, but it's the place to live. "Live" being spoken in a more philosophical context. Here, we are too caught up with results, money and accomplishments to even stop by and take a breather. The fresh-faced graduates we once were is no longer, replaced by a hardened scowl of a mug, because seriously this is all the defense we have and can muster in the face of societal pragmaticism. We all start off well-meaning, trusting that we have got what it takes to make it - to make a change. But after a while, we get tired and sink back into the accepted comfort zones; unwilling and unable to move anymore.
This is sad but this is also a fact that a majority of us face. Of course, there's always the success stories but unlike what they say, sometimes things isn't as straightforward as you see in shows and dramas. Life is hard and most of us trudge through it until the day we lie on our deathbeds, not sure if we have indeed made a difference.
Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
to a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
but somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
and the cost was so much more than I could bear
Chorus:
Though i've tried, I've fallen..
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
better I should know
So don't come round here
and tell me i told you so....
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
the wound that would not heal
it's the bitter taste of losing everything
that i have held so dear.
Chorus
Heaven bent to take my hand
nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those i thought were friends
to everyone i know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
pretend that they don't see
but it's one missed step
you'll slip before you know it
and there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
- Sarah McLachlan, Fallen
Kismet? What the fark is Kismet??
kis·met Pronunciation Key (kzmt, -mt)
n.
Fate; fortune.
[Turkish, from Persian qismat, from Arabic qisma, lot, from qasama, to divide, allot. See qsm in Semitic Roots.]
- Source: www.dictionary.com
Some friends of mine have recently asked why is the name of my blog whitekismet? Well, it's to pay tribute to one half of the mostfamous and perhaps terrible combos in the Magic card games - that of the Stasis/Kismet lock.
It's fine if you don't know what I am talking about but the Kismet card is so powerful they reprinted another card that does the same thing in the current Betrayers set. Of course, Kismet was a White-aligned card, hence White Kismet, geddit? It also helps that I have been helplessly beaten by a Kismet/Stasis deck as it basically locks you down, denies your resources while your opponent beats your head with a 4/4 creature or mills (force you to deplete cards) your deck. Sheesh.
The original Kismet
Kismet's prodigy - The Orb of Dreams
The other half of the infamous duo - Stasis
n.
Fate; fortune.
[Turkish, from Persian qismat, from Arabic qisma, lot, from qasama, to divide, allot. See qsm in Semitic Roots.]
- Source: www.dictionary.com
Some friends of mine have recently asked why is the name of my blog whitekismet? Well, it's to pay tribute to one half of the mostfamous and perhaps terrible combos in the Magic card games - that of the Stasis/Kismet lock.
It's fine if you don't know what I am talking about but the Kismet card is so powerful they reprinted another card that does the same thing in the current Betrayers set. Of course, Kismet was a White-aligned card, hence White Kismet, geddit? It also helps that I have been helplessly beaten by a Kismet/Stasis deck as it basically locks you down, denies your resources while your opponent beats your head with a 4/4 creature or mills (force you to deplete cards) your deck. Sheesh.
The original Kismet
Kismet's prodigy - The Orb of Dreams
The other half of the infamous duo - Stasis
Friday, February 04, 2005
Piggin' Out
Alrite, I have just came back from my company's annual dinner function and although it's all a been there, done that sort of a seven course dinner, the main highlight of the event was the lucky draw that featured Speakers, MP3 players, hampers and many other items as prizes.
Since there were a whole gaggle of us in the company, the chance of winning something good was understandably small, and knowing me, my luck in 'lucky' draws is ironically unlucky.
So guess my reaction when I managed to make off with just a $50 voucher from Robinsons...shucks. Considering that my scum of a boss (he re-donated a crummy PC steering wheel which nobody wants, haha) got off with the top prize of a Raymond Weil watch, mine was peanuts. Well, it could be worse because you could actually win stuff like motherboards and graphic cards (I work in a hardware, tech company), now that's rubbish to me. So ya, maybe I should heave a sigh of relief.
Looks like either I could use the voucher to get some CNY clothes for myself or maybe procure something for Jo. I dunno, see how.
Since there were a whole gaggle of us in the company, the chance of winning something good was understandably small, and knowing me, my luck in 'lucky' draws is ironically unlucky.
So guess my reaction when I managed to make off with just a $50 voucher from Robinsons...shucks. Considering that my scum of a boss (he re-donated a crummy PC steering wheel which nobody wants, haha) got off with the top prize of a Raymond Weil watch, mine was peanuts. Well, it could be worse because you could actually win stuff like motherboards and graphic cards (I work in a hardware, tech company), now that's rubbish to me. So ya, maybe I should heave a sigh of relief.
Looks like either I could use the voucher to get some CNY clothes for myself or maybe procure something for Jo. I dunno, see how.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
Betrayers hits us all tomorrow!!
For those who play, live and breathe Magic: The Gathering, tomorrow's the day that we get the new set to the Kamigawa block!!! I am so excited especially with cards like Frostling, Goblin Cohort, Iwamori of the Open Fist...woot!!!
For those who have no freaking idea what I am talking about, Magic: The Gathering (MtG for short) is a collectible card game where you create decks of 60 cards and engage in a game of strategic thinking much like you would do in a game of chess. Just that, the game environment is always changing with a release of one new set every three months, culminating in a "block" (three sets put together to form one back story, yes, the game actually has a plot) every year.
Arrrggghhh, I want my Betrayers of Kamigawa fat pack fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Green Badass - Iwamori of the Open Fist
Not a bad creature for Sligh deck lovers (me included) - Frostling
One of my favourite Angels in the game - Akroma, Angel of Wrath
For those who have no freaking idea what I am talking about, Magic: The Gathering (MtG for short) is a collectible card game where you create decks of 60 cards and engage in a game of strategic thinking much like you would do in a game of chess. Just that, the game environment is always changing with a release of one new set every three months, culminating in a "block" (three sets put together to form one back story, yes, the game actually has a plot) every year.
Arrrggghhh, I want my Betrayers of Kamigawa fat pack fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Green Badass - Iwamori of the Open Fist
Not a bad creature for Sligh deck lovers (me included) - Frostling
One of my favourite Angels in the game - Akroma, Angel of Wrath
Just Once...
With this blog, it is also my wish to include some of the songs that I have heard over the radio and post them up here so that one day in the faraway future, I can sift through them and recall the days of my youth that is sadly fading away too fast with too little time to really do everything I want. Another reason is because I have a problem with remembering the singers and titles of those really nice and easy listening English songs so this blog will help me remember them better.
Well, to kick off, here is a song from one of my favourite artiste of R&B and soul. (Yes, I really love this genre alot.) The singer in question is James Ingram and "Just Once".
I did my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough
'cause here we are back where we were before
seems nothing ever changes
we're back to being strangers
wondering if we ought to stay or head on out the door
Just once
can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong
why we never last for very long
what are we doing wrong.
just once
can't we find a way to finally make it right
to make the magic last for more than just one night
if we could just get to it
I know we could break through it.
Ohh ohhh
I gave my heart
but I think my heart may have been too much
'cause lord knows we're not getting anywhere
seems we're always blowing
whatever we've got going
and it seems at times with all we've got
we haven't got a prayer....
Just once
can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong
why the good times never last for long,
where are we going wrong
just once...
can't we find a way to finally make it right
to make the magic last for more than just one night
i know we could break through it
if we could just get to it
(Bridge)
Just once, I want to understand.....
why it always comes back to goodbye;
why can't we get ourselves in hand
and admit to one another
we're no good without each other
take the best and make it better
find a way to stay together
Just once.....
can't we find a way to finally make it right...Ohhhh
to make the magic last for more than just one night
i know we could break through it
if we could just get to it
Just Once.....
Ohhhh, we can get to it
Just Once.....
Just Once by James Ingram
Well, to kick off, here is a song from one of my favourite artiste of R&B and soul. (Yes, I really love this genre alot.) The singer in question is James Ingram and "Just Once".
I did my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough
'cause here we are back where we were before
seems nothing ever changes
we're back to being strangers
wondering if we ought to stay or head on out the door
Just once
can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong
why we never last for very long
what are we doing wrong.
just once
can't we find a way to finally make it right
to make the magic last for more than just one night
if we could just get to it
I know we could break through it.
Ohh ohhh
I gave my heart
but I think my heart may have been too much
'cause lord knows we're not getting anywhere
seems we're always blowing
whatever we've got going
and it seems at times with all we've got
we haven't got a prayer....
Just once
can't we figure out what we keep doing wrong
why the good times never last for long,
where are we going wrong
just once...
can't we find a way to finally make it right
to make the magic last for more than just one night
i know we could break through it
if we could just get to it
(Bridge)
Just once, I want to understand.....
why it always comes back to goodbye;
why can't we get ourselves in hand
and admit to one another
we're no good without each other
take the best and make it better
find a way to stay together
Just once.....
can't we find a way to finally make it right...Ohhhh
to make the magic last for more than just one night
i know we could break through it
if we could just get to it
Just Once.....
Ohhhh, we can get to it
Just Once.....
Just Once by James Ingram
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Washed Out...
Dunno why but have been feeling very tired and frustrated at work lately, maybe it's something to do with my rising workload and the inclusion of a new member to the editorial team that is driving me nuts. Somehow the new guy makes me feel that my place is threatened and this is no good at all. But the thing is I really do not want to make any enemies or outwardly express my hostilities.
Dam, office politics. Maybe I am blaming the whole world but not myself. Anyhow, I couldn't take it no more and sought out my boss to complain and pour out my anger. Expectedly, he says that there is a path mapped out for me in the next couple of years (provided I am still here in this job, of course, and apparently I will likely be filling up as Senior Writer come June 2005), so I have no idea whether to feel relieved or not. Furthermore, it seems that the magazine has set up another office in Manila and the writers there will be able to cover some of my editorial work and lighten my pressure. I am so keeping my fingers crossed that things will work out and all will be well.
It's a shame as the place is pretty comfortable and conducive and yet such a thing has to happen. You will not help but feel somewhat displaced when everyone in the world is asking why is there someone who seems to be undercutting you, would you?
Anyhow, now that I have voiced out my concerns, I hope the boss will treat me with a degree of dignity. I hate it when someone appears to be encroaching on my territory where work is concerned and seems to be trying hard to garner credit and score points. Fark, it could be me being paranoid but in this cutthroat world, you really would not know who to trust anymore.
Anyway, sad to hear that Mona is down with the dreadful chicken pox and I hope she gets well soon (actually, just make her well in two weeks time and with no complications since there's almost no way chicken pox will heal any faster), 'cause a boyfriend of my colleague has also went down with pox and was hospitalised as the ailment sort of caused him to lose his sense of balance (which reminds me of the symptoms of the Mad Cow Disease) and the guy cannot even walk in a straight line. Makes me realise life is really fragile and you never know if a small thing like the common cold is going to kill you. It may be a hyperbole on my part but oh well, life as they say, is a wild child...unpredictable.
Enough of the sad things, CNY is coming and although I do not normally feel excited with all the cheesy CNY songs and red drabs hanging around, I do hope to get some cash in the red packets which I can put into the account that Jo and I have set up for our future. A little goes a long way, so God, gimme those dough pleasseee. Amen.
Catching Constantine on the 7th with Herman. It's gonna be a gala premiere...cannot wait. Free things are always sweeter after all.
Dam, office politics. Maybe I am blaming the whole world but not myself. Anyhow, I couldn't take it no more and sought out my boss to complain and pour out my anger. Expectedly, he says that there is a path mapped out for me in the next couple of years (provided I am still here in this job, of course, and apparently I will likely be filling up as Senior Writer come June 2005), so I have no idea whether to feel relieved or not. Furthermore, it seems that the magazine has set up another office in Manila and the writers there will be able to cover some of my editorial work and lighten my pressure. I am so keeping my fingers crossed that things will work out and all will be well.
It's a shame as the place is pretty comfortable and conducive and yet such a thing has to happen. You will not help but feel somewhat displaced when everyone in the world is asking why is there someone who seems to be undercutting you, would you?
Anyhow, now that I have voiced out my concerns, I hope the boss will treat me with a degree of dignity. I hate it when someone appears to be encroaching on my territory where work is concerned and seems to be trying hard to garner credit and score points. Fark, it could be me being paranoid but in this cutthroat world, you really would not know who to trust anymore.
Anyway, sad to hear that Mona is down with the dreadful chicken pox and I hope she gets well soon (actually, just make her well in two weeks time and with no complications since there's almost no way chicken pox will heal any faster), 'cause a boyfriend of my colleague has also went down with pox and was hospitalised as the ailment sort of caused him to lose his sense of balance (which reminds me of the symptoms of the Mad Cow Disease) and the guy cannot even walk in a straight line. Makes me realise life is really fragile and you never know if a small thing like the common cold is going to kill you. It may be a hyperbole on my part but oh well, life as they say, is a wild child...unpredictable.
Enough of the sad things, CNY is coming and although I do not normally feel excited with all the cheesy CNY songs and red drabs hanging around, I do hope to get some cash in the red packets which I can put into the account that Jo and I have set up for our future. A little goes a long way, so God, gimme those dough pleasseee. Amen.
Catching Constantine on the 7th with Herman. It's gonna be a gala premiere...cannot wait. Free things are always sweeter after all.
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