Non-Sequitur

To dear J,

I really hope we can make things work, and if we are meant to be we will be...no matter how cliched it sounds. Just gotta take it easy and see how things go. I know the things I said yesterday may not go down well with you but it's really how I felt on and off throughout the recent weeks and months and I have to let it out. We cried over this and came back out stronger (I hope), but ultimately I wanna let you know that all I want is a relationship that I can be myself and be fully accepted as such. I will also do the same to you as I think we may be too old for games...well at least this applies to me. I guess our problems stem from unrealistic expectations on both of our parts and a huge amount of stress inflicted as a result of us not getting what we want. Both of us know this is not really the end if we don't try so hard - something we may be doing for the longest time, culminating in tiredness and regret. Regret not meaning that what we did was wrong but rather for the fact that it could have been darn fine.

Yesterday and the days before I didn't get your SMSs as often as before, I started to miss you and thought how you were getting along. But I didn't message you immediately because I was afraid, afraid of getting it all started again and come away hurt once more. It's all so conflicting, isn't it? I told you about it and you said since we weren't like before and were supposed to take things easy, you didn't really SMS me. Hearing this, my heart was hurt but my mind told me it's the way to go. We shouldn't try too hard. Really.

Even the snacks you bought me, I didn't dare finish them for to me, they are the last physical vestiges of our memory...I know it's silly and it probably is.

All your life you've waited for love to come and stay
And now that I have found you, you must not slip away
I know it's hard believin' the words you've heard before
But darlin' you must trust them just once more... 'cause baby
Goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean
we'll never be together again
If you wake up and I'm not there, I won't be long away
'Cause the things you do my Goodbye Girl
Will bring me back to you.

I know you've been taken, afraid to hurt again
You fight the love you feel for me instead of givin' in
But I can wait forever, a-helpin' you to see
That I was meant for you and you for me
...so remember

Goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you goodbye doesn't mean
we'll never be together again
Though we may be so far apart you still will have my heart
So forget your past my Goodbye Girl
'Cause now you're home at last.

- David Gates (Bread), Goodbye Girl

I shall end this letter before I get uncontrollably emotional.

Yours sincerely,

J


*Slaps himself and wakes up to the real (a very subjective word indeed) world...*