Of Tuhan and Dewas…

Met up with the poly gang yesterday after work after receiving a late SMS from Ismail asking if I was able to hang out with them in town for dinner. As I was relatively appointment-free (read: bored) and going home at 6pm didn’t sound too enticing, I agreed almost immediately.

Hooked up first with Mona and Nani at Borders where we saw Georgina Chang (apparently now ex-wife of former presenter Daryl David and PM of Perfect Ten last time I think) who according to Nani now works in ESPN. The girl can some more tell us that she (Chang) looked familiar and thought that she was a new presenter from China, wahahaha, since Chang indeed looked very cina so to speak.

Anyhow, the three of us went on down to Lido for dinner where Mona was gleeful that she actually got to save 30 bloody cents for her meal compared to ours which led us to believe we are indeed a bunch of sad people. You know you have hit rock bottom when someone tells you that 30 cents can make a difference. I should know ‘cause my ass is goddamn poor. Ismail joined us soon after and later, Sha, as she seemed to have no intention of meeting her own friends, preferring to come hear our mindless banter (but more on that later).

As it was, Lido was used the place to hold this Chinese movie preview that starred Aaron Kwok, Daniel Wu and Andy Lau if I am not wrong. Nani saw the stand and the cordoned area and remarked, “who can be so crazy for all these??”

“The Chinese girls lah,” I replied.


Divergence is the name of the show in question

And sure enough, one hour later, a whole throng of prepubescent females swarmed the main area of the Lido box office (you know, the place where you get the seats and tables under this big screen) and cameras were going crazy over there. I wondered who were there to generate such craze. Aaron or Andy? But those two (no offense as I always liked Andy Lau as an artiste) are so 90s!! We old fogeys should be the ones chasing them instead of all these little girls. I guess they just don’t make idols now like they used to. Of course, Mona had to say the Daniel Wu was cute. I replied saying that his features were too sharp. I dunno, Wu’s looks don’t really do anything for me.

But what the hell, what do I know?? I am a guy!

Ok after dinner, somehow, we were not really wanting to go home just yet and whole lot of us squeezed into Nani’s car for a really cozy chat session. Mind you, five people in a car is quite a hot affair (in all sense of the word, wahahaha) and it’s then that ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!!

First we saw a couple canoodling out in the open, the guy probably getting a hard-on (according to Sha) and was indeed before our eyes grinding the girl. OMG!!!

Ok, never mind, the gamboling took another 10 minutes before the horny pair took off in their Mini (Nao Hia!!! I also want a Mini!!!!!!!!!!) for their part two of the story.

The rest of the time was hilarious, the Melayu started to flow again and I, being the intrepid linguist, managed to yet invent another sentence that rocked the socks off everyone. We were actually discussing the relationship details of our loverboy Ismail when we stumbled on the topic of kissing and generally PDA (not the gadget but Public Display of Affection [I nearly spelt Pubic but MS Word corrected me, lol, but then again, it’s apt for some people…]).

For some of you who have read my blog, you may remember that I have gone through the trouble and collated a dictionary of sorts that showed English words that you always wanted to know in Malay but were afraid to ask. Well, as you have it, here is a part 2!

But first let’s recount the conversation:

Ismail: She never holds my hand without me prompting.

(After some bits and pieces here and there about putting her hand into Ismail’s pants so she never lets go after she discovers the Dragon inside)

Me: Ismail, you must take her in hand…

(Manic laughter)

Me: …show her who’s her daddy.

Me: (spoken in a gruff voice) Siapa Bapak kau.

(Uproarious laughter that actually deafened me in such a confined space, my stomach never hurt so much)

Then as usual, people added onto my Malay and somehow, the whole ring to who’s your daddy turned into who’s your sex god… omg!

“Siapa Tuhan Seks Kau!!” (Translation: Who’s your sex god??!!)

Somehow, that didn’t sound too right in Malay although it would have been way kinky in English, this got all of us laughing at the imagery of Ismail kissing said girlfriend's forehead and going, “Siapa Tuhan Seks Kau!!”

I was positive people outside could hear and see us guffawing like mad and the car could be shaking a little and Nani would be saying, “My mouth is where it should be!!!” just in case if she laughed too hard and her head goes under the dashboard and people got the wrong idea (Ismail was sitting next to her, you see)

Being the adventurous word maestros that we are, words like Dewah (or angel, lord) were added into the fray – to superbly funny results if you know other individual Malay words.

Try speaking this to your female Malay friends next time for some of you.

Siapa Dewa Konek Kau!!

And see how they will react. Maybe they will worship you, I dunno.

*If you dunno what the hell is Konek, locate my first sleaze dictionary entry and find out for yourself. The fun is about the finding out, not me telling you.

Words that appeared in this entry (repeat after me):

Siapa – who

Tuhan – god

Dewa – angel, lord

Kau - you